At The Lifestyle Circle, we were thrilled to be given the opportunity to ask Dawn Yanek a few questions. Read her take on parenting, especially being a new mum, balancing motherhood with a career and the importance of self-care.
Dawn is the woman behind parenting blog Momsanity.com. She’s just released her first book 107 Things I Wish I Had Known with My First Baby: Essential Tips for the First 3 Months. She’s also a working actress and a contributor to the Huffington Post and WhatTheFlicka.com.
Dawn is mum to a 5-year-old boy and 21-month-old girl so she really knows what she’s talking about!
I’m sure you’ll be able to relate to what she has to say.
How did 107 Things I Wish I had Known with My First Baby: Essential Tips for the First 3 Months come about?
I had just given birth to my second child, and I realized how much easier everything was than it had been with my firstborn. I mean, don’t get me wrong—I was exhausted and recovering from childbirth and had two kids to take care of, but the day-to-day of life with a newborn was so much easier because I had been through it before and knew what I call “common (mom)sense.” That’s all of the practical stuff of daily parenting, like the fact that you need to go up a diaper size if your baby starts having regular poop-splosions and how to tell if a newborn is actually ingesting breastmilk. No new parent knows that stuff—and your friends and family and all of the big parenting books somehow never mentioned any of it. So, about two weeks after I had my daughter, I wrote a post for my blog, Momsanity.com, with 15 tips to that effect. After I published it, I kept thinking of things that I had left out. I started jotting them down, ended up with 107 helpful tips, and I realized that I had a book!
There’s a section in the book that focuses on ‘mommy maintenance’. How important is that when you’re a new mum?
So important! Caring for a newborn is so overwhelming in the beginning—there’s so much to do and you’re terrified of doing something wrong—and the love you feel toward this tiny human is all-consuming. Because of that, it’s so easy to forget about you and your needs, even when you’re in pain and should be paying attention to what’s going on with your body and brain. If you don’t take care of yourself in those early days, your body will take much longer to heal, and it will take its toll on your mental well-being, too. And speaking of your mental well-being, you need to acknowledge wherever you’re at and realize that it’s OK. Ask for help so you can sleep or just get your thoughts together, watch Netflix when you’re feeding the baby at 3 a.m., and talk to your friends about your cracked nipples as much as you want. Do what you need to do to maintain your sanity, and remember that a better you will make a better mom for your baby.
When I was a new mum, one of the biggest challenges was a lack of sleep. Do you have any tips to help other sleep deprived mums?
Do whatever you can in those early days to sleep when you can. Yes, you can sleep when the baby sleeps, but you should also ask your significant other and any willing family members to cuddle with the baby while you nap. They want to help, and they are around in those early days. You won’t have that luxury later on!
Also, don’t compare your baby’s sleep schedule to other babies’ sleeping habits. Some babies sleep great from Day 1; others just don’t. In the first few weeks, remember that it’s all about survival, and baby is the boss. I’m a big fan of letting the baby lead at that point. A month or so in, start laying the groundwork for a schedule, but remember that it’s just the groundwork and that you shouldn’t expect miracles right away. Try to roll with it as much as possible, and know that you’re not doing anything wrong. Your baby will eventually get the hang of this whole sleep thing, which means that you’ll eventually sleep again, too.
You also write about parenting on your site Momsanity.com. How would you describe your parenting philosophy?
I think it’s a combination of “do what works for you” and “it will all be fine—really.” All parents want the best for their kids, and they need the tools to do that. Educate yourself on the basics of childcare, as well as on healthy parenting and communication techniques, and then pick and choose what works for your family. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting; it is so individual. But if you always come from a place of love and you remember that, you will be better able to assess what’s working and what’s not and also become more confident in your parenting choices. A random parenting book can give you ideas, but ultimately, only you know what’s best for your child and your family. Don’t ignore that tugging feeling in your gut just because of that book’s opinion, because that’s all it is: an opinion.
I think parents always stress about making sure their children have a healthy diet. Do you have any tips for getting your children to eat healthy foods?
Introduce them to lots of different foods and flavors when they’re very young. My 21-month-old is a great eater, but so was my older son until he turned 2. Then he became the classic picky eater, and it drove me nuts. I’m praying that my daughter doesn’t go down the same path, but you never know until you’re there. That said, I’m hanging on tightly to a study that I read a while back: It said that kids who ate a wide variety of foods before the picky phase hit were more likely to go back to them later in life. Here’s to hoping!
In the meantime, I stock the fridge and freezer with the healthy stuff they will eat. Some of my staples are homemade black-bean burgers, my own chicken nuggets, any and all fruit, avocado, yogurt and fruit pops, and banana bread. And I never thought I’d be this mom, but when things got really rough with my son at one point, I peeled apples for him when he suddenly hated the skin and even chased him around the house with a banana to make sure he’d get a few bites. Desperate times called for desperate measures—or at least they felt like they did at the time!
What does your perfect family day look like?
After the kids have slept through the night, we wake up rested and happy, and we lounge around in our pajamas for a while—snuggling, talking and playing. We make some waffles, then go to the park, the museum or a bouncy house. After that, the toddler naps and the preschooler does a fabulous, educational activity on his own while I knock around online or catch up with a friend on the phone. After that, a family dinner in which everyone pitches in, followed by movie night and early, stress-free bedtimes.
Now what does your actual typical family day look like?
Well, it has a lot of those components, but it’s a lot more haphazard. We always seem to be running late, there’s usually an argument about food at some point, and bedtimes are rarely stress-free. My 5-year-old is actually great about bedtime now, but my toddler is eternally teething, and she has a serious case of FOMO; that tends to put a wrench into her sleep schedule. But…that’s life! We all love one another more than anything, and honestly, there’s no one else I’d rather spend my time with.
As parents, we’re constantly told about the importance of a routine for children. What routines do you have that work for your family?
It’s funny that you should ask. I just wrote a post about my preschooler’s morning routine for Momsanity. There are free printables in there for your family, too, and they’ve really worked for us in the morning. Putting him in charge of his own little world makes him more independent and gives him a sense of power, and when he accomplishes all of his tasks without me nagging him, he’s really proud of himself. Recently, we fell off the wagon with it because of Spring Break, and mornings had gotten rough again. But I reminded him of his job chart, which is hanging on his bedroom wall, and added a little incentive for him if he followed it for the whole week. Once he does it for a few days, it’s no longer a battle.
Other than that, I have general times for my toddler’s nap, for the kids’ dinner and for bedtime. Everything else falls into place around those pillars. That said, if something fun is going on one day, I am absolutely fine with scrapping the routine for that day. Life is messy, and life is fun—you have to go with the flow sometimes and enjoy what’s in front of you. I also believe that kids need to learn that while routines are important, so is flexibility.
Balancing motherhood and a career is a constant challenge. You manage a website, you’re an actress, and now you’ve written a book. All whilst raising 2 children. How do you do it?
Like you said, it’s a constant challenge. There are just not enough hours in the day! Plus, once my second child entered the picture, there were suddenly 100 tasks to accomplish and 100 more loads of laundry to do every week. Unless I have a meeting or a shoot, I mostly work at home during naptime and after bedtime, and then I sneak in e-mails or social-media posts when I can throughout the day. (They’re for work—really!) The pace can be a little insane, but I’m a night owl and it all somehow manages to get done. Unless someone gets sick or there’s a family emergency, of course, and then everything falls apart. But you know what? It will all eventually get back on track again, and this crazy phase won’t last forever. While I’d love to sleep more—who wouldn’t?—I also want to make sure I’m enjoying all of the wonderful moments with my kids instead of just being stressed out. It’s all about perspective.
At The Lifestyle Circle, we believe that focusing on your Food, Mind, Body, Home and Family are key to a happy, healthy life. What self-care routines do you have that work for you?
I have to be honest: I often fall down with the self-care. I’ve written about my ups and downs with it quite a bit, including this week. I know how important it is, but when things are really crazy, my needs are the first things that go out the window. I am making a conscious effort not to do that because like you said, self-care really is so important. When I sleep and when I take some time for myself, I’m more productive, of course, but I’m also a better mother. I’m more patient, I’m more fun and I’m more attentive in the ways that I want to be. That realization has changed everything for me.
Get the book:
Dawn Yanek’s book 107 Things I Wish I Had Known with My First Baby: Essential Tips for the First 3 Months is available to buy on Amazon.